Woody Austin Falls in the Water

Woody Austin falls in the water at the 2007 President's Cup.

The Tiger Woods Caddyshack Commercial

Tiger Wood's Caddyshack themed commercial for American Express.

Tiger Woods: Gophers. I hate gophers. Scum. Slime. Menace to the golfing industry. Come to Tiger. Ow!

Tiger Woods: Hello Mr. Gopher. This is Mr. Tiger. I'm Going to let you two guys do the dirty work for me. He he, my my.

Tiger Woods: Au revoir, Gopher. Fore!

Old Man: Oh, that's a peach.

[The theme from Caddyshack plays]

Exterminator: There you go. That song works every time.

Tiger Woods: That was easy. Genius.

Golf Poem: Golf Balls Come Loose

Parody of the poem "Dust of Snow" by Robert Frost

The way a goose
Shook down on me
Golf balls come loose
From a hemlock tree

Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued.

Hello Ball: The Honeymooners Golf Episode

The golf scene from the Honeymooners episode, "The Golfer".

Ralph Kramden: Norton, hurry up and come down here. Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something? Well Norton, how do I look?

Ed Norton: Divine, Ralph! I don't know how you are going to do with these borrowed clubs, but in that borrowed outfit, you are divine.

Ralph Kramden: Thank you Norton. Well did you bring something down we can use for a ball?

Ed Norton: Oh yeah. I got this here pincushion.

Ralph Kramden: Perfect. Let me have it.

Ed Norton: I wish we had a stand to put it on.

Ralph Kramden: Let me have it. Ow! What's the matter with you? There's pins in it.

Ed Norton: What did you expect to find in a pincushion, chicken noodles?

Ralph Kramden: Take the pins out.

Ed Norton: She loves me. She loves me not.

Ralph Kramden: Will you stop with that. Come on Norton. I only got two days to learn how to play golf.

Ed Norton: Wait a minute. I want to shut the door. Wait until I shut the door. Alright.

Ralph Kramden: Look out. There is something the matter with the club.

Ed Norton: There's nothing wrong with the club. It's the way you swing at the ball. You don't just swing at it ordinary like. You got to do it scientific like. Like it says here in the book. Let me read it to you.

Ralph Kramden: I've got no time to do it like the book. I only got two days.

Ed Norton: Go ahead. Go ahead.

Ralph Kramden: What's it say in the book?

Ed Norton: Now you're getting smart. To Emily, whose slice inspired me to write this...

Ralph Kramden: Not that! Read the instructions.

Ed Norton: The golf swing. First, step up, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and address the ball.

Ralph Kramden: Wait a minute. What do they mean by address the ball?

Ed Norton: How should I know? That's what it says here.

Ralph Kramden: Well, read a little further. Maybe it explains it.

Ed Norton: No, that's all it says. Address the ball. Wait a minute. I think I know what it means there. Here. Give me the club. Step up. Plant your feet firmly. Hello ball!

The Tiger Woods Fart Scandal

There is controversy about whether Tiger actually cut the cheese, so here are some time honored tests.

He who smelt it
Dealt it.

He who denied it
Supplied it.

He who observed it
served it.

He who detected it
ejected it.

He who refuted it
tooted it.

He who did the rhyme
did the crime.

He who spoke last
did the blast.

He who said the verse
made the breathing worse.

He who accuses
blew the fuses.

Some say they can read Tiger's lips saying to his caddy Steve Williams, "Is that asshole talking behind my back again?"

When Tiger was asked about the incident after the round he said, "better to fart and bear the shame, than hold the fart and bear the pain."

Will Ferrell Impersonates Tiger Woods at the 2008 ESPY Awards

Justin Timberlake: The fans have decided. The ESPY goes to, Tiger Woods.

Will Ferrell as Tiger Woods: Thank you, yes! Another trophy. Another one of these bad boys. And this one is definitely the most special. Definitely the most special. Who cares? You know, people are always asking me, Tiger, how do you do it? And my answer is, shut up. I ask the questions around here. I'm Tiger Woods. But what can I say? It's been a great year. Clearly, I am the best golfer alive today. And arguably the greatest of all time. But as I look around this room tonight, I realize, that this isn't about being the best golfer. It's about being the best athlete alive. Which apparently I am. What can I say, you voted. All I did was purposely sever my ACL, and broke a bone in my leg. And you know I still won the US Open. And that's when even I started to believe, it's undeniable. I am the greatest. I'd like to thank my sponsors, BF Goodrich tires, Bekins Moving and Storage, Little Debbie Snack Cakes, Tab (yes, they still make it, only for me), Daewoo (which I believe is some kind of car), Ticonderoga Pencils, number two and number three (but not number four, those are ridiculous), Jovan Musk, and Drakkar Noir. What can I say? Im the best. In your face. Good night. Good night everybody. Great show. Shut it down. Is there more show? That's the end, right? I don't know how you're going to top this.

Golf Jokes: Tiger Woods Golf Course

Tiger Woods walks into a bar and joins two men watching sports on TV. After a few drinks the first man says, "I have eight children. One more and I have a baseball team." In response, the second man says, "I have ten children. One more and I have a football team." Tiger then says, "I have you both beat. I have seventeen girlfriends. One more and I have a golf course."

Golf Jokes: Tiger Woods Car Accident

Tiger's rear view mirror has a new warning: ANGRY WIVES ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR

The bruise on Tiger's forehead spells "Nike" backwards.

Nike has announced a new line of clubs for jealous wives.

Even the world's best golfer can't get out of every lie.

What's the difference between a Cadillac and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball over 300 yards.

What club did Elin use to "rescue" Tiger? A bitching wedge.

Phil Mickelson has already called Elin to get some tips on how to beat Tiger.

Why were Tiger and his wife out so late? They were clubbing.

Tiger hit a tree and a fire hydrant. He had trouble deciding between a wood and an iron.

The police asked Elin how many times she hit Tiger. She said, "Put me down for a five."

Tiger explained the injuries to his face by telling the police that he's a scratch golfer.

Tiger's sponsor, Gillette, is upset because Tiger said the accident was the closest shave he's ever had.

Elin found out her husband's not a Tiger, he's a cheetah.

Tiger put the fault of the accident on his Escalade, which is typical of a golfer -- always blame the Caddy.

Did you make it out of your own driveway safely this morning? Then you can say that you outdrove Tiger Woods.

Did you hear about Tiger's last outing? He drove into a tree, then ended up with a bad lie.

What do baby seals and Tiger Woods have in common? They've both been clubbed by Scandinavians.

Did you hear that Tiger won't be playing in the Ryder Cup this year? He's trying for the Breeders Cup instead.

There are rumors that Tiger has been eating more than Wheaties for breakfast. Names like Raisin Bran, Rice Krispies, and Frosted Flakes have been mentioned. That's right, Tiger may be a cereal cheater.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops after three hos.

Golf Song: Riding Carts Made You Fat

A golf song parody of "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet"

I met a devil woman
She took my cart away
She said I had it coming to me
That I need to lose some weight

I think that any golf is good golf
So I took what I could get
Yes, I took what I could get
And then, she looked at me with big brown eyes
And said

Riding carts made you fat
Baby, riding carts made you fat
Here's something that you're never going to forget
Baby, riding carts made you fat

And now I'm feeling better
Cause I found out for sure
She took me to her doctor
And he told me of a cure

He said that any golf is good golf
So I took what I could get
Yes, I took what I could get
And then, she looked at me with big brown eyes
And said

Riding carts made you fat
Baby, riding carts made you fat
Here's something that you're never going to forget
You know, riding carts made you fat

Any golf is good golf
So I took what I could get
Yes, I took what I could get
And then she looked at me with her big brown eyes
And said

Riding carts made you fat
Baby, riding carts made you fat
Here's something that you're never going to forget
Baby, riding carts made you fat

All the World's a Golf Course

Now that I'm the leader of the free world, I can play golf anywhere I want.