
Now that I'm the leader of the free world, I can play golf anywhere I want.
Funny golf quotes, songs, poems, captions, and parody.
In this Seinfeld episode, Kramer takes 600 Titleists from a driving range and decides to drive to the beach and hit them into the ocean.
Kramer: Hey! Who wants to have some fun?
Jerry: I do.
George: I do.
Kramer: Now, are you just saying you want to have fun, or do you really want to have fun?
Jerry: I really want to have fun.
George: I'm just saying I want to have some fun.
Kramer: Right now, there are 600 Titleists, that I got from the driving range, in the trunk of my car. Why don't we drive out to Rockaway and hit them, into the ocean? Now picture this: We find a nice sweet spot between the dunes. We take out our drivers, we tee up, and wumpf, that ball goes sailing up into the sky, holds there for a moment, and then... gloonk.
***
Jerry: I did it for you.
George: I don't know what you had to tell her that for. You put me in a very difficult position... marine biologist. I'm very uncomfortable with this whole thing.
Jerry: You know, with all due respect, I would think it's right up your alley.
George: Well, it' not up my alley. It's one thing if I make it up. I know what I'm doing. I know my alleys. You've got me in the G islands living with the turtles. I don't where the hell I am.
Jerry: Well, you came in the other day with all that whale stuff, the squeaking and the squealing, and.
Look. Why couldn't you make me an architect. You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect. Well, I'm supposed to see her tomorrow. I'm going to tell her what's going on. I mean maybe she just likes me for me.
Kramer: Hey.
Jerry: Hey.
Kramer: Hey, you want these? I don't want them!
Jerry: What?
Kramer: I stink! I can't play! The ball is just sitting there, Jerry, and I can't hit it! I only hit one really good ball that went way out there!
Jerry: Well, what happened?
Kramer: I have no concentration!
Jerry: What, what's wrong with your...
Kramer: This sand. I can't get rid of this sand. But there's still some in here. It won't go away! Look at that! I even got sand in the pockets!
Jerry: Hey, come on. You're getting it all over the floor.
***
George: As I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.
Jerry: Mammal.
George. Whatever.
Kramer: Hey, what did you do next?
George: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him, face to face with the blow hole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me, but I knew something was there, so I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction.
[George reaches into his jacket, pulls out a golf ball and holds it up.]
Kramer: What is that, a Titleist? A hole in one, huh?
