Saturday, January 9, 2010

Hello Ball: The Honeymooners Golf Episode



The golf scene from the Honeymooners episode, "The Golfer".

Ralph Kramden: Norton, hurry up and come down here. Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something? Well Norton, how do I look?

Ed Norton: Divine, Ralph! I don't know how you are going to do with these borrowed clubs, but in that borrowed outfit, you are divine.

Ralph Kramden: Thank you Norton. Well did you bring something down we can use for a ball?

Ed Norton: Oh yeah. I got this here pincushion.

Ralph Kramden: Perfect. Let me have it.

Ed Norton: I wish we had a stand to put it on.

Ralph Kramden: Let me have it. Ow! What's the matter with you? There's pins in it.

Ed Norton: What did you expect to find in a pincushion, chicken noodles?

Ralph Kramden: Take the pins out.

Ed Norton: She loves me. She loves me not.

Ralph Kramden: Will you stop with that. Come on Norton. I only got two days to learn how to play golf.

Ed Norton: Wait a minute. I want to shut the door. Wait until I shut the door. Alright.

Ralph Kramden: Look out. There is something the matter with the club.

Ed Norton: There's nothing wrong with the club. It's the way you swing at the ball. You don't just swing at it ordinary like. You got to do it scientific like. Like it says here in the book. Let me read it to you.

Ralph Kramden: I've got no time to do it like the book. I only got two days.

Ed Norton: Go ahead. Go ahead.

Ralph Kramden: What's it say in the book?

Ed Norton: Now you're getting smart. To Emily, whose slice inspired me to write this...

Ralph Kramden: Not that! Read the instructions.

Ed Norton: The golf swing. First, step up, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and address the ball.

Ralph Kramden: Wait a minute. What do they mean by address the ball?

Ed Norton: How should I know? That's what it says here.

Ralph Kramden: Well, read a little further. Maybe it explains it.

Ed Norton: No, that's all it says. Address the ball. Wait a minute. I think I know what it means there. Here. Give me the club. Step up. Plant your feet firmly. Hello ball!