Woody Austin falls in the water at the 2007 President's Cup.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The Tiger Woods Caddyshack Commercial
Tiger Wood's Caddyshack themed commercial for American Express.
Tiger Woods: Gophers. I hate gophers. Scum. Slime. Menace to the golfing industry. Come to Tiger. Ow!
Tiger Woods: Hello Mr. Gopher. This is Mr. Tiger. I'm Going to let you two guys do the dirty work for me. He he, my my.
Tiger Woods: Au revoir, Gopher. Fore!
Old Man: Oh, that's a peach.
[The theme from Caddyshack plays]
Exterminator: There you go. That song works every time.
Tiger Woods: That was easy. Genius.
Golf Poem: Golf Balls Come Loose
Parody of the poem "Dust of Snow" by Robert Frost
The way a goose
Shook down on me
Golf balls come loose
From a hemlock tree
Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Hello Ball: The Honeymooners Golf Episode
The golf scene from the Honeymooners episode, "The Golfer".
Ralph Kramden: Norton, hurry up and come down here. Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something? Well Norton, how do I look?
Ed Norton: Divine, Ralph! I don't know how you are going to do with these borrowed clubs, but in that borrowed outfit, you are divine.
Ralph Kramden: Thank you Norton. Well did you bring something down we can use for a ball?
Ed Norton: Oh yeah. I got this here pincushion.
Ralph Kramden: Perfect. Let me have it.
Ed Norton: I wish we had a stand to put it on.
Ralph Kramden: Let me have it. Ow! What's the matter with you? There's pins in it.
Ed Norton: What did you expect to find in a pincushion, chicken noodles?
Ralph Kramden: Take the pins out.
Ed Norton: She loves me. She loves me not.
Ralph Kramden: Will you stop with that. Come on Norton. I only got two days to learn how to play golf.
Ed Norton: Wait a minute. I want to shut the door. Wait until I shut the door. Alright.
Ralph Kramden: Look out. There is something the matter with the club.
Ed Norton: There's nothing wrong with the club. It's the way you swing at the ball. You don't just swing at it ordinary like. You got to do it scientific like. Like it says here in the book. Let me read it to you.
Ralph Kramden: I've got no time to do it like the book. I only got two days.
Ed Norton: Go ahead. Go ahead.
Ralph Kramden: What's it say in the book?
Ed Norton: Now you're getting smart. To Emily, whose slice inspired me to write this...
Ralph Kramden: Not that! Read the instructions.
Ed Norton: The golf swing. First, step up, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and address the ball.
Ralph Kramden: Wait a minute. What do they mean by address the ball?
Ed Norton: How should I know? That's what it says here.
Ralph Kramden: Well, read a little further. Maybe it explains it.
Ed Norton: No, that's all it says. Address the ball. Wait a minute. I think I know what it means there. Here. Give me the club. Step up. Plant your feet firmly. Hello ball!
The Tiger Woods Fart Scandal
There is controversy about whether Tiger actually cut the cheese, so here are some time honored tests.
He who smelt it
Dealt it.
He who denied it
Supplied it.
He who observed it
served it.
He who detected it
ejected it.
He who refuted it
tooted it.
He who did the rhyme
did the crime.
He who spoke last
did the blast.
He who said the verse
made the breathing worse.
He who accuses
blew the fuses.
Some say they can read Tiger's lips saying to his caddy Steve Williams, "Is that asshole talking behind my back again?"
When Tiger was asked about the incident after the round he said, "better to fart and bear the shame, than hold the fart and bear the pain."
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Will Ferrell Impersonates Tiger Woods at the 2008 ESPY Awards
Justin Timberlake: The fans have decided. The ESPY goes to, Tiger Woods.
Will Ferrell as Tiger Woods: Thank you, yes! Another trophy. Another one of these bad boys. And this one is definitely the most special. Definitely the most special. Who cares? You know, people are always asking me, Tiger, how do you do it? And my answer is, shut up. I ask the questions around here. I'm Tiger Woods. But what can I say? It's been a great year. Clearly, I am the best golfer alive today. And arguably the greatest of all time. But as I look around this room tonight, I realize, that this isn't about being the best golfer. It's about being the best athlete alive. Which apparently I am. What can I say, you voted. All I did was purposely sever my ACL, and broke a bone in my leg. And you know I still won the US Open. And that's when even I started to believe, it's undeniable. I am the greatest. I'd like to thank my sponsors, BF Goodrich tires, Bekins Moving and Storage, Little Debbie Snack Cakes, Tab (yes, they still make it, only for me), Daewoo (which I believe is some kind of car), Ticonderoga Pencils, number two and number three (but not number four, those are ridiculous), Jovan Musk, and Drakkar Noir. What can I say? Im the best. In your face. Good night. Good night everybody. Great show. Shut it down. Is there more show? That's the end, right? I don't know how you're going to top this.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Caddyshack: Cindy Morgan as Lacey Underall
Cindy Morgan's funniest quotes and scenes in Caddyshack.
Lacey Underall: I bet you've got a lot of nice ties.
Ty Webb: How do you mean?
Lacey Underall: You want to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?
Lacey Underall: I tried calling, but they don't have a listing for Mr. Wonderful.
Ty Webb: What spelling did you use?
Ty Webb: Would you like a drink? Tuna Colada, perhaps?
Lacey Underall: Who's your decorator, Benihana?
Ty Webb: No, I brought most of that stuff back with me from Vietnam.
Lacey Underall: You were in the war?
Ty Webb: Uh, no. Homo. Much better now, though.
Lacey Underall: My uncle says you've got a screw loose.
Ty Webb: Your uncle molests collies.
Ty Webb: And you're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.
Lacey Underall: You're crazy!
Ty Webb: That's what they said about Son of Sam.
Lacey Underall: Looks like you're going to make a lot of money when you're older.
Danny Noonan: Oh, yeah? When? How?
Lacey Underall: Could be in the market, or on a game show.
Lacey Underall: What do you do for excitement?
Ty Webb: Oh, I play a lot of golf.
Lacey Underall: I'll bet you've got a lot of interesting stories about your ball landing in the road.
Judge Smails: Bishop Pickering, Dr. Beeper, this is my niece, Lacey Underall. Lacey's mother sent her to us for the summer.
Dr. Beeper: It must be a nice change from dreary old Manhattan.
Lacey Underall: Yes. l was getting really tired of having fun all the time.
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